Identifying and dealing with domestic abuse - Video and audio transcripts

okay so just to very quickly just give you a little bit of information about the said guarding adult board for those of you who don't know we are a formal statutory body made up of statutory and voluntary members um and our job is to oversee how adults are safeguarded in the city we have an independent chair derrick benson and you can see there a list of some of the members of the safeguarding adult board thank you tom okay so a little bit about what we do we give leadership and guidance to agencies and in a minute tom's gonna pop in a guide into the chat um making safeguarding personal which is obviously absolutely key when we're thinking about safeguarding adults adults and we've created a guide for you to use with service users and their families which explains what making safeguarding personal is so please have a look at that please share it with service users and families that you're working with um and because you know we want the products that we're creating to be put to use thank you tom you can see that popping up in the chat for you now we also check that arrangements are in place to deal effectively with allegations of abuse and neglect and we aim to enable professionals including yourselves who work with adults with care and support needs to act and keep people safe one ensuring those accused of abuse or neglect are dealt with appropriately and finally we undertake safeguarding adult reviews or learning reviews to make sure that actually where improvements are needed across the system not on a case-by-case basis but where we need to improve the system we're identifying the improvements that we need to make and putting those into place thank you okay if you want to know more about the work of country safeguarding adult board please have a look on our website there's a whole host of resources anything that we produce goes onto the website you can read our annual report and also please sign up for the newsletter we send this out on a quarterly basis and it gives you updates from across the partnership and from practitioners across the city about the latest kind of services tools guidance everything in relation to safeguarding adults so thank you i'm now going to hand over to today's presenters so we've got tracy um jane and i believe jamie and they'll introduce themselves and just give you a little bit of a run through about this afternoon thank you

thanks very much Rebecca and thanks for having us and it's great to see kind of great numbers today as you say really interested in this topic so my name's Tracy Richards I'm a programme officer based in public health uh working on domestic abuse if I hand over to Jane afternoon my name's Jane Ross some of you may know me because I've worked in the city for a very long time often around the subject of domestic abuse however I've very recently in the last week coming to post as the new domestic abuse delivery manager for the city so some of you will see me quite a lot more going forward thank you

Jeremy I'm Jamie Richards the development and funding officer for country haven women's aid and since just before covered I've been uh looking after our three refugees as well so thanks for joining me just just a bit of a run down for today's agenda you may have already seen some information but we obviously have done our introductions we do want this to be quite an informal kind of session so if you've got any questions throughout then please kind of and put your hand up and we'll do our best to answer those but generally the gist of the session will cover what is domestic abuse signs of domestic abuse some safety planning we'll look at a little bit briefly about the domestic abuse act 2021 and what's happening in coventry the coventry landscape and then hopefully some practical tools and and just to let you know what resources and support is available kind of in your roles so I'm going to hand over to Jamie now I think he's going to take us through the majority of the slides today

thanks are the slides coming up on the screen um tom's going to share them for us thanks tom okay um can you yeah and again

yeah i just wanted to say if um if anything um makes you feel uncomfortable then you know have a break and um look after yourselves so uh we will be talking about uh quite sensitive things so and thanks did you say tom yes it's tom yeah okay so um we just wanted to give a uh like tracy said about uh what domestic abuse is and how it looks and feels basically so this is the actual um brand new definition which has just been updated in the domestic abuse act this year and so any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling coercive physical or sexual threatening or violent behaviors or economic abuse between those aged over 16 years or above who are or have been regardless of gender or sexuality personally connected so they've included economic abuse in there and i know tracy will touch on the domestic abuse act later and they personally connected and i just wanted to stress that this happens to anyone and can happen to anyone and regardless of their circumstances their age their postcode education there's a lot of stereotypes around um what an abuser looks like and also what a victim looks like and i just want to kind of smash all of those um it's happening in every single road um so next slide please

um so it's it includes these these things and and the vast majority of cases i i would probably go as far as say in all cases of domestic abuse include quotative control and we're going to go into detail about that later so we can try and get you to relate to how that looks um and presents itself so commercial control physical sexual economic and financial and the domestic abuse bill has highlighted the fact that it's not just financial abuse meaning that they are controlling your money or maybe they're using your credit card debit cards it's the whole economic thing about removing your independence to be able to live independently and you're on your own so that may include um stopping you from learning to drive or learning uh english um if you're you know from a different uh country and english isn't your first language so it's those um removal of independence and emotional stalking and harassment online and revenge porn that's something that's come up in the domestic abuse bill as well and this all includes honour based abuse where there's more than one perpetrator generally it's a community-wide and the victim may not know all of her abusers because they're reporting back to their family etc thanks tom

so coercive behavior is quite um difficult to explain and hard to understand and but i'll try to relate and make it relatable for you and so it's a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and or dependent by isolating them from sources of support exploiting their resources in capacities for personal gain depriving them of the means needed for independence resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour and this can happen very slowly um and that you don't actually realize what's happening to you so um i tried to describe uh coercive control as if you were small and you went out with mom and dad and you um started showing off and and you were pushing boundaries which you know you knew you were pushing boundaries you'd look and you'd get the look from either mum and or dad and which meant that you were probably going to get into trouble when you got home so they don't have to be anywhere near you it's that amount of um control that somebody has because you know what what to expect so thanks tom so this is some examples of intimidation and how coercive behaviors may look so yeah there's that look that i talked about um it might be not actually physically punching or putting their hands on on the victim it can be banging around smashing furniture punching walls shouting intimidation by you know standing over them all of those things pacing around close to the face you know all of these things repeating questions without letting you answer and saying that you're hurt that they'll hurt themselves or you or the children and saying things like make me how dare you you know that kind of thing it's um it's creating that level of fear thanks tom

so this is coercive control and we just wanted to um put the legal definition there and that it became a criminal offence in the uk in December 2015 but you can imagine that it's quite difficult to prove in court and because it's very much one person against another um without actual evidence it's quite difficult to evidence and i know jane will know that from her police days and so an act or a pattern of acts of assault threats humiliation intimidation which is used to harm punish or frighten them and so it's that pattern of acts and it can be something that comes across as being quite pleasant or nice or romantic but in fact it has other meanings for the victim

thanks Tom so passive aggression um

could you go yeah thanks um these things that again aren't actually painful or cause um physical pain but they instil that fear and unknown and that confusion which is um you know what keeps a victim in that relationship so sulking giving him without meaning it sighing muttering sarcasm and silent treatment is a big one and that is quite an abusive tactic and guilt-tripping not owning up with drawing cooperation and also affection that can also be a an abusive tactic um making faces rolling eyes you know and also children absolutely pick up on these kind of vibes that you know something's going on in a room we've all been there or walked into a room where it feels really uncomfortable and um you you might see these things that are happening um and they I'm not disappointed in you it's that making you feel inferior

thanks Tom

so there's lots of myths and stereotypes around um why victims stay in relationships and there's this cycle of abuse that's uh extremely common um again i'd probably say uh prevalent in in the vast majority of relationships where things start to happen um you're treading on eggshells and you can feel that something may be about to something might be wrong but you can't actually understand what or what you may have done and so then you move into the second phase which is the actual incident and that might be verbal or um you know coercive or physical and then something happens and then you get the you maybe get the the apologies and I won't do it again and the reconciliation and and how lovely it all is and the romance maybe and then it calms down again but then it starts to build up again so that cycle of abuse um is going on all of the time so thanks tom

this is the um duluth power and control wheel that we use with um any survivors that we're working with and it's really good it's a really good tool to actually see um it written down in front of you and for the victim to recognize that all of those things that you don't even consider as abuse seeing them all in this way um is quite um empowering and um makes the victim kind of understand what you know that it's not their fault that um sorry the cycle um it's the cycle of abuse and if you have a look on um if you google we can have this slight these slides i know um it's the cycle of abuse it's quite well known um this power and control is the duluth model yeah um yeah so i'm not going to read out every section but um please use that and you you know you will get some good outcomes with this and it's quite often that light bulb moment where um you you don't re you realize that you're actually not on your own and it's not only happening to you that um all of these things are not okay basically in a relationship there's also an equality wheel that we use again the duluth model um that kind of is the exact opposite to this so it's the equality it's all around equality and so yeah that's a really good tool to use thanks tom so the impact of domestic abuse is absolutely huge and long-lasting um the you know not just the physical injuries including sexually transmitted infections um it's the complications in pregnancy miscarriage stillbirth and it's actually been proven that in the womb babies can sense and um be affected by um noises you know physical obviously physical they would be um aware of but um all of that there's um apparently there's a virtual reality thing that you couldn't get i don't know um wear but you can you can get it that actually um makes you feel like you're the baby inside and and everything's going on outside and how how it feels um so long-term and chronic health problems um especially around mental health um physical and sensory impairments and so it physical injury may affect your eyesight or your hearing um emotional harm including loss of confidence and low self-esteem that's extremely common and throughout victims of abuse if somebody tells you something often enough whether that be a good thing or a bad thing you believe it and you know it's justified so poor mental health as i mentioned um substance misuse as a coping mechanism there may be drugs and alcohol to numb um the effects of what's happening to them physical and emotional harm to a child or dependent adult and the domestic abuse actors also included um recognizing that the victims are the children as well and not just you know women as victims and or sorry victims as adult victims it's the children um as well so preventing an adult from being able to care for others and themselves long-term social difficulties and isolation from family and friends and community isolation is a is a massive part of being abused and you know they absolutely want to keep you away from any support mechanisms that you may have so they'll go to great lengths to remove those from you and again that could be in a romantic sense at the beginning but um it's all got the same um ending um negative impact on work and possible loss of independent income so you know we've had women who have it's caused that much of an issue in their their working life that they've either been sacked or they've left and and that goes for volunteering and you know constant phone calls at work and all of that kind of thing and it's to isolate you from um being able to seek help and support and so negative economic abuse for example coerced debt or which which has an impact of um credit issues which means you couldn't get a mortgage or you know that's a very long-term effect um but i would absolutely say that and the impact is lifelong um for some primarily women and their children domestic abuse will result in serious injury or death and you know three women a week are killed by their partner or ex-partner that you know it's that common that we don't even hear about it all of the time unless there's some kind of sensational um thing that the media want to pick up on um which is something that we're trying to work on with the media about how they um deliver these headlines and things it's just not not right and very victim blaming and so additional impacts on people with care and support needs that you will deal with in your in your daily life and so increased physical and or mental disability reluctance to use essential routine medical services or to attend services outside the home um increased powerlessness dependency and isolation again that isolation is is very prevalent feeling that they're their impairments are to blame and increase shame about their impairments for example in relation to needs for personal care and so you know you're almost made to feel that it's your fault they justify what they're doing to you and um you do actually take on that feeling of um you're useless you can't do anything right and you know that you may be constantly being told those things thanks tom so some some signs to look for some red flags um as we call them um it's not all of these but i was just trying to put as many down as we could to try and get you to relate to this this um abuse so love bombing is where at the beginning it's very intense and romantic and and you really feel like you've met your soul mate in effect and um what that period of time is um is i refer to it as the same way that a paedophile grooms a child they they groom you you feel like they're you know they're mirroring everything you do and say and they understand everything and what they're doing is um like cleaning as much information as they can from you to use at a later date against you so you may talk about um personal secrets or or things that have happened in the family that you haven't told others and these will be kind of stored and used as this and written rule book later on and used against you and physical injuries may be excused as accidents and on a regular basis and frequently miss work school or social occasions and appointments and isolation again that's very common changing personality and appearance so they may have gone from being bubbly and quite outgoing to um very withdrawn and anxious and so say if you are at work it gets to five o'clock uh whereas you know their anxiety may be uh increasing as it gets towards five o'clock because um they have to be home by a certain time and if they're not they have to justify why they're not where they've been and it could create an incident for them and so and also appearance they might start to wear uh different clothes for the uh or unsuitable clothes for the climate because they're trying to cover injuries and quite often um the abuser will um if they are physical physically violent they will um ensure that their markings and what they're doing is coverable so it'll be on the body the legs the arms and not necessarily the face where it's harder to to um cover up so increased anxiety levels for for sure rarely goes out without their part now partners always with them wherever they go look at their partner before answering and the partner answers for them um that is that thing i was trying to relate to when you were smaller as a child and you were pushing you know showing off and you knew you're gonna get into trouble for it um it's that um and check in with them if your answer if you're directed a question you would look because you know that it's probably quite or could be controversial and they're not going to like it but this is the thing the victim is constantly unsure of what could create an incident or not because it changes on a it's a just a roller coaster and so lots of personal calls and messages from their partner maybe when they're out if they're not with them and partly given the silent treatment and refuses to communicate that's quite difficult and again the drugs and alcohol is coping mechanism you may sit you may notice that that's increasing and although it's become an issue thanks tom

um so there's lots and lots of barriers to seeking help um and it yeah there's just so many barriers um but the fear of the abuser is massive and what they will do to them and the thing I'd stress here is uh please remember that the victim always knows what their abuser is capable of and so believe what they tell you um and know that it's probably a lot worse and a lot more is going on and fear of statutory agencies including the courts as part of their daily abuse they may have been told constantly and if you tell anybody you'll get your children taken away from you that's part of the abuse and that might be extended family and community who are saying that as well um if they're from a different country um you know authorities are corrupt um in some countries so um you know when they come here they would see everybody including specialist services as professionals who will

that's a massive one that's that's so common um lack of knowledge or access to support services and lack of resources financial or otherwise to be able to you know where will i go i've got no money um the abuser has all of the control of the money where would i go um previous experiences and or a fear of being judged or not being believed and we'll talk about victim blaming later on because people do it without even realizing and it's really damaging and that is a big fear because you feel completely isolated and that you're the only person going through this so um love loyalty or emotional attachment you hear that you know but i love them and that is real and the person that you fall in love with was that person who was grooming you in effect and you always believe that if they were like that once you can get that back again and so you know please don't uh underestimate the power of of love um you know and they hope that their partner or their family member abuser will change or like say you know they used to be able to deal with me and look after me in that way but now they don't um but maybe if i do this this and this or i don't do this then they'll go back to being that so you're you're living in this constant state of confusion thanks to me we're just going to add yeah i think safe lies talks about those on average about um a victim will have 50 incidents of domestic abuse before they seek effective help so as you say you know that's on average i'm sure there's many more and we know this as you say the barriers to seeking help so yeah absolutely yeah and you kind of dip your toe in the water as well as to try and get a response from those closest to you and depending what that response is might keep you in that relationship for longer and not reach out for help so yeah that's very real um feelings of shame or failure pressure from family children community and friends um to stay in that relationship religious or cultural expectations especially for older victims you know they marry for life and divorce isn't an option you know it's seen as bringing shame on on the family and the long-term effects of abuse such as prolonged trauma disability resulting from abuse self neglect and again the mental health problems and ptsd complex ptsd um is where it's like an ongoing um constant form of abuse that you've happened over a prolonged period of time and not just a one-off effect which we know can cause just as much damage mentally and and things you get triggered by things that you don't expect to at times that you don't think about it's kind of like an um you know an involuntary reaction to things that fear that fight and flight thing numbness or depression arising from their circumstances and so again you may notice um that kind of depression going on with the with people that you support low self-esteem and self-worth and I've touched on that before drug and alcohol addiction again and fear that this will be used against them with regards to um you know the children of being able to look after the children maybe um we all know about family court and um how difficult that is for a victim and how the effects of the abuse creates the mental health issues and the anxiety and then that's used against the victim by the abuser and the court and and on it goes but again that's been looked at in the domestic abuse act um anticipated impact on the children and dependent adults including loss of contact um yeah you know again when when i see the children how can i see the children where can i see the children it's it's there's so many barriers you know it's not just um languages and access like physically it's it's so many different things for so many different people thanks tom

so additional barriers for people with additional care and support needs lack of accessible specialist services that can also meet their care and support needs and lack of accessible information for them fear that interpreters for example which is sign language may not keep confidentiality or even maybe part of their community so we um we as commentary haven will always um ask if um the interpreter that say if there's a social care involved and are they happy with the interpreter that they've been given because they can say well no actually I'm not so they may prefer if it's a female victim they may prefer a female interpreter or don't forget that um some of these communities are very small and i know that we've got a huge diverse range of communities in coventry especially and some of them are quite small and close-knit so they may absolutely be fearful that they know their abuser so that can create a whole um set of barriers and assumptions that physical and sensory impairments prevent people making their own decisions and being used to depend being used to dependency and a lack of respect and dignity assuming abuse is normal and minimizing its impact and that is very normal as well to minimize what's happening to you and again you know what the abuse is capable of so the things that happen that are less than uh the worst things that have happened so far and you you push to one side and don't even consider um and you get used to that very quickly so fear of having to live in a care home that you know that must be awful and reliance on the abuser for care and support and there may be lots of reasons why they can't physically get an up and leave um so it's it's incredibly difficult for for uh you know people with additional care and support needs thanks tom

and so we wanted to include um looking at carers who are at risk of harm or causing harm um so kind of bringing it back a step and and how can we look at um how that might present itself so um risk would be greater of this if they themselves haven't met or unrecognized needs of their own or their their vulnerable in some way and health and care needs exceed the carers ability but there's that um you know again it could be um a marriage where you through sickness and health um is that the correct phrase it is yeah yeah

yeah you know they they don't want anybody else to look after their wife or their husband it's their job and so and willing oh yeah i have unwillingly had to change their lifestyle so um you know they may start to get resentful of um you weren't like this when i first met you and now you're this and that's stopping me from doing this and and all that all of that kind of stuff and not receiving practical and or emotional support from other family members um and that is um very common i'm sure that there are family members who are very hands-on and others that aren't um i think we've probably all got a story like that um that they're feeling emotionally and socially isolated undervalued or stigmatized and doing a lot more than they should be maybe um it's a lot expected of them um because they are their maybe their uh you know partner intimate partner um uh or is their mum and dad and you know they are expected to do these things and not bring in external sources and they might have other responsibilities such as their own family and work and their time is just so limited have no personal private space outside the caring environment they're living together have frequently requested help but problems have not been solved um and they're being you know maybe being abused by the person that they're caring for and unappreciated by the person they're caring for or being exploited by relatives or services so i think all of those are very important to think about and consider thanks tom

so older people um and this is definitely a group that are very difficult to make services accessible to um especially when not everybody has access to smartphones or the internet um and you know how to use those even um so i think this is a significant and under recognized group by professionals and the abuse is often subjected over a prolonged period dependency including financial on the abuser and traditional views towards marriage and gender roles and that's across the board that isn't just any particular religion and you know i'm old enough to to have parents that you know mum couldn't even um have her name on the mortgage um and you know there was no other way of whoever was going to look after the children it was always mum you know lack of formal education lack of work experience um they're more isolated they're unaware of support available because with regards to domestic abuse you can't put leaflets through people's doors and if they haven't got access to the internet you know us as a specialist service it's fine that we put everything we possibly can on social media across all the different platforms but as an older person who may only have the tv um you know how do you get your services accessible to them and that's where we need to be thinking and so and you know with regards to domestic abuse it can't be a leaflet that drops onto the doormat um which would create a risk for for the victim and so the unaware of support available services not older person friendly i mean how frightening would it be to consider that they have to go into a refuge communal refuge after and they may have the you know the most beautiful house um and having to go to a shed facilities and it's there's you know so many barriers as well assumptions that injuries are due to health and social care needs and not that they're being subjected to abuse and the house and all of the assets they're inheritance for the children so if the victim leaves um you know are they foregoing their um they're part of the inheritance that they want their their children to have um and if there's split families if they're you know divorced and remarried there might be a whole load of other things to consider there um so yeah that's an incredibly hard group to reach thanks tom

and people with learning disabilities so they're more likely to experience abuse than people in the general population particularly sexual abuse and there's quite a few cases where um people with learning difficulties have been taken advantage of and especially you hear about cooking and all of that that kind of thing you know it's so difficult for people with learning difficulties inability to understand that acts that they're being subjected to are even abusive um expo they might have exposure to multiple carers and find you know have extreme difficulty in reporting crime it's difficult enough as it is um without having added um barriers to reporting um habitual submission to authority uh need to be believed and listened to and lack of appropriate support services and this video link which it doesn't work if you click on it but um if you copy and paste into there's a 15 minute video um of actual um survivors who oh thank you tom survivors who have been through it and they talk about um how it feels and and and how difficult it is to come forward so that's a really good video to watch thanks tom so how do we talk about domestic abuse because i've really gone into great depth about how how difficult and complex this is and and it absolutely is and so the main things that we always push is that it has to be safe and you always have to consider the risk and safety of the victim so um we'll go down the safety safely column first consider your whereabouts and theirs when talking with a victim so you know if you're calling them is it safe to talk are you okay to talk now are you alone and unfortunately you can't always um assume that if they say they're alone that they are and so always bear in mind that um that that is a thing and that they the abuser may have access to their phone and um however for whatever form of communication you're using um use appropriate interpreters again i touched on that before don't assume never assume that a family or a member or a friend can interpret safely because um you may go to great lengths to hide it from absolutely everybody so they might might not even know um and you absolutely can't talk to somebody else about uh domestic abuse if um unless you've got the consent of the the victim unless the safeguarding issues obviously um so sensitively so understand the barriers to leave in a relationship and it's not just as easy as why don't you just leave and ensure that the confidentiality remains only informed as if they need to know um so for example if this was um in your workplace follow your organization's safeguarding policy um a person may not disclose to their immediate manager they may you know disclose to somebody completely different so um always discuss it with the victim as to what they want and do not assume close friends family colleagues family know about the abuse so don't discuss the situation with them and most importantly is non-judgmentally um so believe what they're telling you and again remember that they know what their abuser is capable of and as well as the victim becomes the best actor or actress so does the abuser and so how they present is not you know you have to look past that do not victim blame example if it was just me if it was me i would just do this i would just leave or why don't you just leave that word just is so incredibly damaging on its own and and that is a very common um ask why don't you just leave and it's nowhere near as easy as that is is not easy at all um don't give your opinions and make sure that they're informed of the safe options and support available to them um so that they can end the abusive relationship but they've got all the information so they can make their own choices so if you remember that they're being told what they can and can't do 24 7 as a close friend or a support person or professional you can't tell them what they can and can't do that's all they're receiving at home so it it to them it's they will just hear that you're telling them again and trying to control them so it's about giving them all the information they've got and supporting them in signposting to specialist services or you know trying to get them to talk about it and if they do disclose to you that's incredibly important and means that they do trust you so that's that's a massive step and we always say if you can keep mom safe then the children will be safe um next one time thanks jamie just just to add we're talking in the context of our work life but um as we've kind of alluded to at the start we know that one in six women in their lifetime one in four men will be affected by domestic abuse i think one in five children so this may also affect our kind of um ourselves our family groups and our friends so i suppose it's just that sense of we know those numbers are kind of vast so um i think as i say james start this is quite a sensitive subject um i know uh particularly city council have been really good about um what support there is for employees and making sure that the right policies are in place and you know just having those tools and we'll touch a bit more at the end about that but just wanted to raise that in in recognition of that because i think as there's a bigger organization um as one of the big bonds in the city there are you know um there's going to be others but you know as you say it's happening in all our streets isn't it really so yeah absolutely uh and there's more statistics and data further on in the presentation that we can go through with you um so language is really important as well um because again it can be seen as victim blaming without you even realizing and so sorry can i just let the dog in sorry the joys of homeworking

sorry about that she does it every time um so domestic violence is something that you may hear and think that will never happen to me the word violence and so we always use domestic abuse or domestic violence and abuse because it's not always physical and the fear of violence is sometimes worse than the actual violence and so you know an abuser doesn't have to actually lay a hand on you at all ever but you can be extremely frightened of them so please call it domestic abuse um experience in domestic abuse um experience is something that could be pleasurable and is probably pleasurable so you don't experience domestic abuse you are subjected to it there is no choice and experiencing sounds like you've got a choice about it and not engaging with services this is my absolute bear um it's not and you may hear um i've tried to contact her three times and she's not engaging or he um it's how do we make our services accessible to the victim it's not that they are not engaging with us there are a million reasons as to why they can't pick up the phone or can't answer at that particular time or will try to remove you from um face to face as soon as possible they are constantly keeping themselves safe and they're the only person who can do that and so please consider him i have a view here certainly from a policing background i think we're very quick to criticize uh victims for what presents us that refusal to engage um and i think the question should be is um why are they unable to engage uh in services um and i think we have to ask ourselves are we doing everything we can to ensure that when it is right for that person that they have that choice to engage um we um if you think very simply from a policing point of view perpetrators when they come into custody they have a choice about legal representation they have a choice about whether they um ask answer questions that are put to them they are entitled to not answer that's one of their basic rights it's also a basic human right for a victim to

choose or not to choose to engage but we should be asking ourselves how do we enable them to and what do we need to understand in order to make that engagement effective not to blame them for not engaging at that point yeah and the the abuser is always responsible and accountable for their behavior it's never ever the victim's responsibility um for the things that they're doing um victim and survivor this is a difficult one because um some people who have been a victim of abuse would like would prefer to be called a victim rather than a survivor and vice versa so i would suggest that you maybe ask them or i mean some people see that a survivor is quite empowering but other people may not and sofa surfing is another one that again sounds like it's something pleasurable that you'd actually want to do but it is in fact bed begging um the abuser has anger issues it's not they have they are abusive and their behavior is abusive and it's almost like you're trying to give them a way out and a reason and justification as to why they are abusing somebody and it's not about alcohol and drugs it's they know exactly what they're doing and that's why the vast majority of it is behind closed doors or or you know not in front of people and why don't they just leave and you know please turn that round why do they abuse so it's why don't they just leave is making it sound to the victim that it's very easy and there must be a problem they must like it or they want to stay there they don't want to stay there they just don't know how to remove themselves safely and we need to remember as well i think it will come up in the next slides um that the risk escalates massively when the abuser feels that the relationship is coming to an end or they leave and it's almost like that i've got nothing to lose um and that's when most of the homicides happen um which has been proven so um thanks tom uh victim blaming so um just so that i don't keep saying he and she i'm just going to say he against she um

she must have provoked him no they made a choice to abuse that person or hit that person um you know family violence violent relationship this is kind of goes along with these headlines that you hear in the news and they are an abuser they're a violent person and say it as it is um he she's an abused woman um no he is an abuser he has anger control issues no he uses abuse to gain parent control over the partner um and something that you hear what did you do to make him or her do that to you um that you know they abused you is what it actually is um you don't have to do anything it's that again is very victim blaming um you must have done something to make him do that to you because you wouldn't just do that normally um so yeah there's probably lots and lots of things we could talk about victim blaming but hopefully you get the idea but language is really important when you're dealing with a victim assessing and managing risk so assessment of risk in every case of domestic abuse where an adult has care or support needs enables a person and practitioner to be confident about interventions made and decisions made to share information practitioners must be mindful if any other person is also at risk in the household and so that may be um half step family or you know other siblings that aren't living in the house full time or it could be parents or grandparents and so use the domestic abuse stalking and honour-based violence honour-based abuse risk identification checklist which you'll hear that's called dash um dash assessment um and that's a thing that's used across all agencies to identify whether a victim is at standard medium or high risk um but we as an organization at country haven would say all victims are high risk because it can change literally at the drop of a hat at any moment um very easily so it's quite it's difficult but you know you do have to have some form of um continuity across the across the agencies can i come in there about that the risk assessment that um jamie's referred to there dash is available on the safe live website that i've put in the um the chat um it's a national tool that's recognized by all agencies and should be utilized by all agencies at an appropriate time if a disclosure of domestic abuse is um made and we'll talk about doing that at a safe time it's not a difficult tool to use it's worth making yourself familiar with it and it's something that you can all use to help focus on what that risk might look like there's a key set of questions all those questions are based on years and years of research and they're all relevant to trying to reduce risk and domestic homicides um so we know that the research uh one of the questions is in relation to when did you leave you recently left your partner how long ago that is um there's questions about weapons and strangulation and a whole range of questions that is worth very much you appraising yourself of just so that you can understand the types of risk factors that indicate the level of harm that someone might come into it does cater a little bit for coercive control which is a key focus which is not well learned i don't think by professionals at the moment but that's a piece of work going forward for us in the city okay thanks jamie yeah the um how you're asking those questions that's um quite important as well because they're really personal aren't they and so to get the best outcomes if you could make it kind of into a conversation um rather than right i'm asking you 25 questions and number one is blah blah and also remember that the victim may not recognize it as abuse and and may not even tell you the truth until they trust you um but yeah it would be as jane said it's really useful to have a look at the questions that are on there it's things like um have they um abused or um hurt a pet um and again the years of research that's uh have backgrounds of um

of abuse and um actually go on to kill is you know that it it's really interesting and it's it's important you know if you could get used to asking those questions or at least know what you you're looking at to ask for sorry sorry i'm recognizing that it's not just partners or ex-partners it is family members isn't it we're seeing more and more of that kind of come through and i think nationally there's a piece of work done about kind of um where there has been a death it's often um a son or a grandson to a grandparent or a mother isn't it um often or not so we are again more work for us to do but i think that is a group that we'll see more numbers coming through potentially yeah and um sons and daughters against their parents and that's quite common or becoming more prevalent isn't it yeah and there was one recently in town hill wasn't there a son um killed his mother um yeah we've we've definitely noticed an increase in that that type of abuse and thanks tom

so the barriers to having an effective risk assessment and the management of a person's risk so um the person concerned is not involved in all stages of the risk assessment or management um an intended collusion with the perpetrator this is real tricky one um because i mentioned that um the victim and the abuser are both very good actors and actresses um because they they don't want people to know what's going on and to get the support um and you as a professional you can easily collude with the perpetrator and it might be something like um

you you may be sat with them and and it's clear that they've had an argument maybe this is an actual thing that i've been told has happened um and she presented with um bruises and a black eye and then the professional sat down and said oh if you two had a falling out again and that just creates um a whole load of things and the abuser will see that as um she's either made a face or um she's made it clear that something's happened he will go to his utmost um sorry i'll say he i know it affects both um

you're kind of almost um saying it's okay for that to happen when it's not um it's so it's i know how difficult it is to uh talk to a perpetrator and and how manipulative they can be so just try and kind of bear that in mind failure to ask the children and adults with care and support needs how the abuse is affecting them because it absolutely will be affecting everybody in that household and not using or inappropriate use of the assessment and referral and risk assessment forms and not undertaking in-depth assessment so again it may be you may find it very difficult to ask those personal questions um and like jane said please get yourself familiar with with with what it looks like and how it feels um not increasing support or protection at times of increased risk not ensuring safe contact arrangements are in place for the children and not recognizing additional risks posed to bme domestic abuse victims um and other groups um lgbt and also um the you know older victims and there's there's lots of additional risks there thanks tom

so how do you um talk to somebody safely um so never discuss abuse if the potential perpetrator is there so try and think of some ways of separating them um not always easy but say for example um at the hospital or at the gp surgery i know that um they'll say things like um oh can i just take you next door so that you can i can just check your weight um a bank may use can i just take you in here just to go through your contact details that they're correct and try and think outside the box as to how you can separate them to give that opportunity of a disclosure by the victim and ensure that perpetrator is and will not become aware of the of what you've asked and family members may not be safe remember um and this i've highlighted in in yellow because it's so important violence and harm increases significantly when the perpetrator's control is challenged um and the relationship is about to end or has ended and lots and lots of if you have a look at uh jane moulton smith the eight stages of homicide and that's a really interesting piece of work um victims rarely voluntarily disclose unless asked directly which they do often want um and when i say asked directly it's things like are you okay and you know are you sure you're okay is there anything i can do to help and how are things at home it's things questions like that um and again it might take you know a while for them to trust you enough to tell you um but those type of questions are incredibly important but feel like you're doing nothing at all but i can't stress how important and right they are um victims repeated inquiries increase the likelihood of disclosure um but they have to be in a safe way always consider their safety and risk and do not escalate either no matter how it's presenting and you will walk away and the victim will be left with the perpetrator so always bear in mind about their uh safety and risk thanks tom jeremy just told on i was just thinking about some people may or may not know about the irs programme so again a lot of the workers are actually based at haven aren't they but they're linked with um i think we've only got four gp practices not now trained in coventry around domestic abuse and identifying that and referring in so that's been a really useful program i think is is that kind of national as well i think it is yeah yeah it is we're the first um to have it in coventry um and we've started off one full-time worker and increased to two but it's basically a um support training and casework project so we go in and train the doctors every single person in the whole surgery even if they're not um patient facing they get the one level of training and then they get the the doctors and nurses get the second level so receptionists everybody have got that and it's a really really good place to make uh your services accessible to the older people and it's open to men and women um and also there's other ways that we can make sure that we get support in a place where it's safe for them to go so always trying to consider where how can you help them and where can you meet them in a safe place and that won't draw attention and there's very few places that a abuser will let you go on your own and that might be the bank and the gp surgery so that's a fantastic project yeah it really is although they're picking up work with victims obviously they can um you know if they identify perpetrators they can refer into services in coventry as well can't they so yeah absolutely and yeah we've got domestic violence perpetrator programs as well that are in place if people recognize that they you know they don't want to um or they want help with their those kind of issues and so make sure that you can't be interrupted and that you and the other person have sufficient time to talk to them about their disclosure and do not pursue an inquiry if the person lacks capacity

it's esther it's the iris iris programme yeah iris project so they get the two levels of training and then they know how to basically they know how to ask the questions in a safe and sensitive way a lot of surgeries now don't allow two people at once they only allow but that's easier said than done as well and but if they also have any idea whatsoever they refer it into our workers and we case work from there so the doctors are loving it basically and also doctors are paid to go on training now i believe that's why we've had an increase in the amount of surgeries that have that jumped online so it's really good um and they've got um leaflets and um cards and tear-off strips that they can hide to be able to refer into that project um so yeah do not pursue an inquiry if the person lacks capacity to consent to the interview unless you've already arranged an advocate to be with them and and documenting the person's response make sure that you do that in a you know a responsible way but not in a client or patient held records um where the perpetrator may have access so for example a care book in their home if it's uh care workers that are going into to look after them at home don't write something in the book there that the perpetrator will see because that will create an incident and increase the risk of the victim thanks tom

so we've kind of talked a lot about what you shouldn't do and so how do you ask a conversation or or start a conversation if you think that abuse um is happening to somebody um so it's these kind of things and again i can't stress how how caring these are and how understanding they are to a victim and it may feel like you've not done anything or nowhere near enough but you you have and how are you doing at the moment your well-being is important i've noticed that you seem um upset distracted are you okay anything you'd like to talk to me about at any time i'm always here to support you um if it was a personal friend or a family member you could say you know i don't understand what you might be going through but um i'm here for you to talk whatever you want to talk about and just leave it at that it's the pushing and telling them what they should and shouldn't do that we have to steer away from and there's anything like to talk to me about i'm always here is everything all right at home you don't have to tell me anything but please know that i'd like to support you if you're ready to and what support do you think might help and what can i do to happen to help you and and what would you like to happen and yeah that that question at the bottom is probably the best one how can i help you um that shows that they um are not gonna push you to do anything they that you understand that it's difficult and that is really important to a victim

thanks tom

so safety planning um the top one's obviously if there's physical harm um can you support them in getting them to the hospital or the doctor and you could support them in reporting to the police um but they may please be aware that they may not want to and that is quite a difficult thing to do um and you know support them in doing that um keep the diary um older victims might not have access to um a phone that they can keep notes on or um the bright sky app there and includes a diary that you can actually keep a note of um incidents and things that have happened or been said and on what date and that is quite important and even if um it doesn't go anywhere and you you decide at some point you know you're definitely not going to go to the police and it's important to uh look at it and and read it and see because your brain will forget the bad times and um an abuser is very good at manipulating into trying to get you to come back and so a diary is quite a good thing but especially um for a report to the police and if you wanted to take it to a prosecution and the holy guard app is something that we have all of our uh workers have this on their work mobile and and it's a really good tool there's a there's a paid option but the free option is totally sufficient and it's um you can use it in various different ways but you set basically set it up for safety contacts who you'd like to inform if anything was happening and um for example you were you would walk in the dog on your own at night and as a woman you have to consider these things and if you felt uncomfortable or you approached or something happened you shake the phone and it automatically sends a message to your contacts who you've got as your trusted contacts it gives sends a gps location to within a meter and the absolute brilliant thing is that it records audio and visually and that evidence is admissible in court which is fantastic and so you can also set it so that if if one of our staff members was going for a a meeting or a support and they they thought that they were going to be it was only going to take an hour or so and they would do back at half three the the app can be used that if they're not backed by half three it alerts you to check in on them so it would be good for children and all that kind of thing so i'd highly recommend the hollyguard app and it was um designed with the support of the police by uh holly gazzard's dad and and that was holly was a hairdresser and her ex-partner stalked her and then eventually um stabbed her eight times in while she was at work in a as a hairdresser you walked into the salon um so the bright sky app is um as you can see it looks like a weather app and that's got information on there as well about um local services and things so both of them are really good you can speak to the safe to talk helpline there and that is for anybody so any victim male female whoever um of abuse um perpetrators anyone can ring that line um and it's a single point of contact and then we will the relevant person and if say if you wanted to talk to

yeah the safe to talk helpline provides guidance to sorry it's jumped off now yeah it is to everybody it's the the funded service in coventry and it has access for male victims uh female victims male and female perpetrators and children um have you got or have they got a trusted friend with a trusted address where they could maybe if they're getting support from a service such as ours and legal clinic um that the solicitor could send things to them because obviously they couldn't send it to their home address if the abuse is there um and also can they keep an emergency bag with their um important documents in and things that they wouldn't want to have to leave behind so it might be photos or keepsakes of some kind or or a children's um you know favorite toy something that doesn't um create a a reason as to why it's not in the house or um an agreeing agreed plan and password this is something that we use a lot and they don't have to leave we never ever fought try to force them to leave um it's entirely it's their choice so whether we just hope that if they've reached out and and they're getting support from us it means that they've made that first step into leaving or removing their abuser and you can create a password that isn't obvious um or wouldn't be seen as odd if it was dropped into a conversation and that can be by text as well so say if you've got a friend or a fam a family member who's who's been subjected to it you might agree that if they send you um a message about uh christmas arrangements for example or a holiday destination um that it means they need help but the important thing is that you know exactly what's agreed so if they do send that it means that you have to ring the police or you have to go round it has to be clear what that um prompt is going to action um and let them create their own boundaries of what is safe and what is not safe for them um don't push them to follow anything that they would express doubt about so it might be something safe it's some you live in the same street it could be that if something is of ours or something is in the window it means this if it's not there it means something else it you know try and all the time look outside the box and try and make it um as easy as possible for victims to um get support from you thank you oh sorry yeah make sure that you look after yourself while you're supporting somebody um we accept um on this safe to talk helpline um anybody can call um it went very quiet at the first lockdown obviously as expected as as you would expect and but then we started to see an increase in calls again but it was from third parties so all of a sudden people were at home having to be at home um the sun was it was a lovely summer wasn't it last year and you know they were hearing things and seeing things that they wouldn't have seen before and so we were getting calls about you know i think this is happening what do i do what do i say and i've i've noticed this what should i do and so we can support you in any way um or even if you just want to like debrief and say have i done this everything that i should have could have done to to help or how do i deal with this well we'll always support you with that um seven days a week i was just going to say that jeremy it's open seven days away i wondered if we should break there.